Scripture: Luke 7:36-50, A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.  Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.  It was addressed, “Dad.”  Fearing the worst, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

“Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.  I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.  I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.  But it’s not only the passion, Dad.  She’s pregnant.  Stacy said that we will be very happy.  She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more children.  Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.  We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune for our food.  In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.  She sure deserves it!  Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.  Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.  Love, your son, John.” “P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.  I’m over at Tommy’s house.  I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that’s on my desk.  I love you!  Call when it is safe for me to come home.”  Not exactly a Father’s Day Hallmark moment!  If love means never having to say you’re sorry, there’d sure be a lot of unresolved conflict and very little opportunity for grace and forgiveness in relationships like this letter describes.  That commonly used phrase, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” originated from the 1970 movie Love Story starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O’Neal.  The movie tells of the poignant pairing of a Radcliffe musician and a Harvard Law student.  In 2005, the memorable line was voted #13 among the top 100 movie quotes by the American Film Institute.   Toward the end of the 1972 movie spoof What’s Up, Doc, which also starred Ryan O’Neal two after Love Story, Barbra Streisand’s character coos “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” while batting her eyelashes.  O’Neal’s character responds with a deadpan face, “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”  Although in this case comic satire, actor Bruce Willis agrees in real life.  Willis once lamented following the end of his 13 year marriage to Demi Moore, “My wife heard me say, ‘I love you’ a thousand times, but she never once heard me say, ‘Sorry’.  And John Lennon famously said, “Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.”  The gospel according to Beatles isn’t far from the Gospel according to Luke! Our Bible passage this morning from Luke chapter 7 describes a formal banquet where guests reclined on couches to share a feast and engage in lofty lectures and dialogue on moral and theological issues.  Into this prim and proper meeting a totally inappropriate figure enters – a prostitute who bathes Jesus’ feet with her tears, wipes them with her hair and anoints them with oil.  When the other guests object to such unseemly public conduct, Jesus tells a story about canceled debts leading Simon the Pharisee and Luke’s readers to conclude that the greater the debt forgiven the more love the debtor will feel towards the creditor.

And so concludes Jesus, is love just some sterile, judgmental, academic discussion about proper conduct?  Or is it a genuine outpouring of affection and acceptance because of the affection and acceptance we have already been offered despite whatever wrongs we may have committed ourselves?  Jesus reflects with joy on the actions of that woman saying, “I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love.  But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little” (v. 47).  According to Jesus, if you want love to grow, it “means always having to say you’re sorry”!   

Are you having a hard time loving someone?  Maybe the first step needs to be taking the risk to say “I’m sorry”.  The restorations of countless relationships have been held at bay because no one was willing to break down the wall with those two simple words; “I’m Sorry.”  The mark of persons forgiven by God is their love for God and God’s people.  By the love we return to God and the love we show to others, we demonstrate our own forgiveness.  It’s time to break out the alabaster jar of ointment, say “I’m sorry” and begin to pour the oil of love upon those around us.  We can be, should be, and will be, much-love people, because we are much-forgiven people!

My youngest son Andy is now 22 and completing his final semester of college this fall.  About twenty years ago he told me he’d made me toast for breakfast, but couldn’t get it out.  I started to scold him because he wasn’t supposed to use the toaster by himself and we hurriedly started walking into the kitchen.  Andy stopped me and said, “It’s in the other toaster.”  Puzzled, I said, “We don’t have another toaster.”  And then he led me by the hand and said, “I always see you put things in there!”  while pointing to the VCR.  Opening the toaster like slot on the video cassette recorder, I discovered a couple well crammed slices of bread!  I never imagined he was watching and learning from me using a VCR!  

It’s often said that integrity is what you do when no one is looking.  But one important lesson I’ve learned in fathering is that it’s rare that no one is looking – little eyes are studying and learning all the time: even when toddlers are barely walking, even when children are preoccupied playing with friends, even when teens ignore us, even when graduates are fixed on new directions for their future, even when they’re grown up and raising families of their own; when it seems like no one is looking, they are still learning from our posture of being much loving, much forgiving people.  Father’s Day is humbling and inspiring when we look at ourselves through the eyes of our children.  I made a list of a dozen things I’d say to my own dad:    

• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I learned that everyone’s gifts can be valued…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed an abandoned baby bunny, and I learned that it was good to be kind to God’s creatures…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you deep fry my favorite birthday meal, and I learned that little things can be special things…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you pray at home and worship at church, and I learned there is a God I can always trust…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you help a neighbor build a garage, and I learned that we all have to take care of each other…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take us fishing and spend all your time baiting hooks and taking off sunfish so you never even wet a line of your own, and I learned that there can be more pleasure in helping others succeed than in doing it yourself…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take care of our house and yard, and I learned we have to take care of what’s entrusted to us…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw how you handled your job and other responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good, and I learned that others would depend on me too…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you wanted the best for me, and I learned to try and be everything that I could be…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you sing and laugh and play, and I learned that this world is as bright as the attitude we bring to it…
• When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you say you’re sorry, and I learned that confession and forgiveness are as constant as love itself…

My dad died suddenly at the age of 63 when I was in my mid-thirties.  We had a good relationship; in fact I worked with him on an awning over the porch of his cabin the afternoon before he died.  But when you think your folks are going to last forever, you don’t necessarily take the time to reminisce and say “Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”  For some it’s not too late, for some we best say thanks by remembering that there are still those who are watching us!  Happy Father’s Day!

.