When he died in April of 1976, Howard Hughes was the wealthiest man in the world. Even kind accounts of Hughes called him eccentric, and he was well known for his early film, Hell’s Angels. Not because the film was so great, and not even because of its introduction of Jean Harlow to the film world. He was known for the film because it took him 3 years to film it, and it cost $3.8 million. That’s in 1930. It was years before he made a profit. He had 84 planes, and the film involved lots of scenes of the planes in the air. With each viewing of the footage, though, he was unsatisfied. He wanted the viewer to be aware of how fast those planes were going, but against the clear California sky, they looked pretty, but not fast. He finally realized that he needed something in the background for contrast. If there were clouds, he could shoot his fight scenes against the clouds and the viewer would see both the planes and their speed. It took months, but finally the meteorologist he hired found some clouds nearby, and he was able to film his planes against a background to give them perspective. Of course, while he was waiting for those clouds, the movie world was changing from silent movies to talkies, and after shooting his final scenes, he had to go back and shoot the early ones using sound. It was an unfortunate turn of events, but Howard Hughes was determined to make sure that the image in his head is what ended up on the screen.
Usually, we look for clear skies. But it’s the clouds that often help us see more clearly. And it’s exactly what happened after Jesus’ death and resurrection.
Just in case you forgot from last week, Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb after the Sabbath to prepare Jesus’ body for burial. But she finds the tomb empty, and runs to get the disciples. Two of them go back with her, and they find the tomb just as Mary had described. One of them, seeing Jesus’ clothes inside, “believes,” but the gospel writer makes is clear that he doesn’t yet fully believe or understand. Mary then encounters Jesus herself. Right after this amazing event, though, Jesus’ closest followers are locked away in a room, out of fear. Jesus appears in their midst and brings peace and breathes on them the breath of the Holy Spirit. It is an incredible encounter, but Thomas is not with them when it happens. When he joins them, they excitedly relate the whole event, but Thomas refuses to believe them. “Nope, nope, nope,” he says, “unless I see it myself and touch him myself, I don’t believe it.”
I wonder how that next week went. Did they try to convince with every opportunity they got? Did they shake their heads every time they were together? Did they not talk about it in front of him anymore, since he had been left out of this experience? We don’t know. But a week later, they were all gathered together in a room again, and Jesus once more appeared in their midst. Jesus addresses Thomas specifically, inviting him to see and to touch and to believe. And Thomas responds with what the gospel writer indicates is the first true statement of post-resurrection belief, “My Lord and my God!” Thomas was the cloud in the group of Jesus’ followers who gave perspective. His very doubt, his questions, put faith and belief into perspective.
Doubt and questions have a very important place in the realm of belief. There are many who believe that doubt is the very thing that allows us to grow spiritually. Without doubt, our faith has no perspective. Without doubt, we are afraid to ask questions, and our faith is not challenged to grow in both breadth and depth. Many faithful thinkers point to breakthroughs of mind and spirit that have their roots in our doubt and in our questions. Without doubt, our faith is a cloudless sky that looks pretty, but it’s hard to tell where things are, or how fast they are going.
Author and pastor, Frederick Buechner, has speculated about what would happen if God’s existence were proved. What if the stars aligned one night to spell out “God Exists” or some such clear message. People would believe in droves. And then if the stars stayed that way, with God changing the colors occasionally, or adding music, until finally the last skeptic had to believe. And then, one night, as people were staring up at the stars, what if some child asked, “So what if God exists?” The opposite of belief isn’t doubt, it’s apathy. It’s not so much about whether we are in a period of great faith or great doubt, it’s the difference it makes and what we do with it.
Jesus’ followers modeled some things for us, even in their confusion, doubt, and belief. Initially, they were gathered behind a locked door, out of fear. But after Jesus appeared in their midst, they still made room in their community for doubt. Thomas was not kicked out, he was not disinvited, he was still with the group when Jesus appeared again amongst them a week later. We need to make space in our community, even in our own lives, for doubt, for questions, and for a faith that is not yet fleshed out. We can certainly speak to our faith where we have it, but we need to remember that it is not the only word. We also need to remember that fear does not have the final word. Even in the midst of Thomas’ disbelief, the disciples were making a transition out of fear. The first time, they were gathered behind a locked door. The second time, the door was shut, but the gospel writer only records that it was shut. Not locked. And not out of fear. And this gospel writer is very careful with his words and with his imagery. He wants us to understand that a transition is happening. It isn’t about Jesus being able to appear through solid doors. It’s about the state of mind in the gathered disciples that he wants us to notice.
We are a people of God. And we are an Easter people. An Easter people full of faith, full of doubt, full of questions. As that people of God, let us live into our faith, casting out fear, but carrying our doubts right alongside. Amen.